I see what you are saying!

"Yes, I see what you are saying." How many times
have you heard this phrase before? How many times did you say it
yourself during conversations? Probably a lot. But how many times
did you really notice that you can literally see
what the other person is saying? I bet, not that often, if at all.

Meaning

Most of the time, we are conscious of not even the words the other
person is saying, but the meaning (mental pictures, sounds, or
feelings) that those words trigger. Remember, when after some
confusion you suddenly went, "Ah! Now I understand what
you really mean by it." Why didn't you understand it the first
time the person said it? Because they didn't explain it well? Not as
far as they are concerned, since what they said made perfect sense to
them. Just not to you. What is the difference?

Different people often assign different meanings to the same word.
Take, for instance, comfort. When someone says "I'm comfortable
now," what do they really mean by it? That the chair they are
sitting in is soft and of the right shape, allowing them to relax? Or
that the topic of the conversation makes them feel relaxed? Or is it
not about being relaxed, but about being confident, or strong, or
calm, or... And you thought you knew what they were saying, huh?

Words

It is much more interesting to let go of the meaning, or
immediate content of the conversation, and notice the actual
words people are saying. Don't interpret the words just yet,
just notice them. This way you have a chance to re-interpret the same
sentence in multiple different ways in the process of understanding
it, and if there are too many possible conflicting meanings, you know
you did not really understand what they just said. Or, you may find
that what they say reflect the way they store the information in their
head. How about the following conversation:

-- I want to take a bath now, I want to look good.

-- Is there anything else that will make you feel better?

-- No, I think I'm OK.

-- Huh?

Do these people even talk to each other? Apparently, they have
trouble communicating, since neither of them pays attention to the
words. The first person wants to look good, while the second
one interpreted "looking good" as "feeling
good," which confused the first person ("why is he even
asking me about feeling?"), and her reply definitely confused the
guy ("Didn't she just say she wants to feel
good???")

Playing with words is fun, and with some practice you'll find that
you can communicate much better, because you automatically start using
similar words to what the other person is using, and paying attention
to the meaning that the other person assigns to those words. In other
words, you will start noticing that their meaning for the
same word is different from your meaning, and you will
recognize and utilize that during the conversation.

Structures

Once you mastered the words, you will start noticing the
structure of the other people's thoughts. Watch for their
gestures as they talk, this is often the easiest way to elicit their
internal representations. People literally draw complex pictures in
the air, and then methodically and consistently follow that mental
image with their hands, eyes, or even legs (rocking side to side, or
walking along the same curves).

In technical discussions, people often draw their ideas as circles
and arrows, or as a hierarchical outline, and then use that picture to
refer to their specific thoughts by pointing to the picture. It's fun
to watch them do that even after the actual picture is already erased
and replaced with something else! They keep seeing the old one and
pointing to it, as if it is still there!!

Just like with words, different people use different structures, or
internal representations, for their knowledge (data, ideas, ...).
When two people with radically different representations talk to each
other, even if they are paying attention to the words, they still have
hard time finding a "common language."

It is, therefore, very useful to be able to think in terms of
different representations. Find an interesting topic, possibly your
project at work, or some abstract philosophical idea which you can
discuss with a friend, and find out exactly how you represent it, and
how is it different from your partner's representation. Do you see it
a an image? As a sequence of images? Do you have to talk to yourself
in order to think about it? Or do you have to feel something specific
about it? What are the specific details of all these pictures,
sounds, words, and feelings? What is the sequence, if there is one?

Investigate this for yourself, by noticing how you come up with
explanations or new ideas as you speak. Then do the same with your
friend. Ask him or her about the specifics, if you cannot tell what
they do by just watching them and listening to the words they say.

Once you determined the structure, try thinking of the same subject
in your friend's representation! Most likely it will be quite
disorienting and confusing at first, but try it anyway. See how close
can you get to your friend's way of thinking. And notice how he or
she responds when you take his/her representation. You will suddenly
get in sync, and start completing each other's thoughts, even if you
don't really know each other that well. Sometimes it might even be
a bit scary...

Mental Pictures

But the freakiest part is only one small step ahead... Practice
taking other's representations often enough, until it becomes easy and
natural, like an old habit, and watch what happens next...

You will start seeing their mental pictures! Yes, I am not
kidding. Of course, this is not exactly extra-sensory acuity, but it
surely gets frighteningly close, especially for the clueless
observers. My theory is that it's your unconscious mind learns to
guess the other person's internal images based on their words,
gestures, posture and body movements, eye cues, facial expression,
muscles tone, skin color changes, and many many other little things
which are constantly happening at the same time as they talk.

It is practically impossible to keep track of all these cues
consciously, but not a big deal for our unconscious mind, which will
happily preprocess this vast body of information and will present it
to our consciousness in a form of simple pictures, sounds, or
feelings. And when your unconscious mind gets enough experience in
guessing what the other person imagines, says to themselves, or feels,
it will communicate its guess to your conscious mind as those same
images, sounds, and feelings... Now that feels like peeking
inside someone else's head and seeing what they are seeing! It's
really freaky at first, trust me on this one :-)

Deep Trance Identification (DTI)

Finally, you are at the stage where you can literally observe the
other person's internal thought processes, notice many minuscule
movements of hundreds of muscles, detect the tiniest changes of skin
color, and still have your conscious mind completely free to think of
other, more important things of the moment. What is possible in this
level? What do these skills give you?

With some more practice, you will be able to literally
become the other person. In the literature, it is called
Deep Trance Identification. It is a profound state change,
when you temporarily put away your own identity and personality, and
take on someone else's internal representations. For the complete
experience, you might also take along their beliefs, values, memories,
and whatever else you consider important to simulate the other person.
Then just be yourself... No, I mean, be them. Well, at this
point it doesn't matter. You are them. Just do it.

Now I wonder, is it how the world's best actors play their roles?
I don't know, but most likely. And now you can do too.

Isn't it scary what kind of things you can do with it? Try being
another person for a moment, figure out how to make them believe in
something, or want a product you are selling, or find out what kinds
of people they like and trust, and become such a person to make them
trust you for no apparent reason. It is a great power, and with power
comes great responsibility.

What's Next?

I don't know what lies next after DTI, but I'm sure this is not the
limit of what is possible, and even more profound and deeper skills
can be developed. I will find out. Keep watching!

The Revealing Power of Art

Five hundred years ago Leonardo Da Vinci said that "most
people look without seeing." He referred to the fact that people
don't really notice what their eyes perceive, and instead, only see
the interpretation of the visual information, its symbolic
representation.

For example, everyone can easily tell whether a face on a picture
belongs to a man or a woman. But how many of us can tell what
exactly makes a face look like a man's or a woman's face?
Or, how many of us know that the eyes are actually in the middle of
the head, and not closer to the top?

The same observation applies to the other senses, most important of
those are auditory (hearing) and kinesthetic
(feeling, sensation). If you don't believe me, try singing the bass
guitar part in Pink Floyd's "The Wall", or remember the
exact words someone used to describe something exciting to you. Did
they mostly use words related to vision, hearing, or feeling?

The reason we do not remember such specific detail is because our
unconscious mind gladly preprocesses the direct sensory information
for us, and presents it to our conscious mind in a simplified symbolic
form. In other words, we see things through perceptual
filters. Normally, these filters help us immensely by freeing
our consciousness from processing vast amounts of data, making our
routine daily activities much easier.

However, there are times when we want to see things the way they
really are. The trouble is that we get so much used to the filters,
that we start to believe what we consciously perceive is the reality!
Getting someone to realize that they have been seeing symbols all
their life instead of real objects often takes people by surprise. I
was surely surprised when I learned that the eye line is exactly in
the middle of a human head, and not close to the top, as I
always thought. Taking a photograph and measuring it with a ruler for
the first time in my life was a revelation...

The question is, How do we learn to see (hear, feel)
again? And my answer is, Learn the Arts.

Visual: Learning to Draw

Learning to draw pencil photo-realistic pictures is probably the
best and fastest way to start seeing the real shapes, colors, and
shades of the objects around us. Get the book The New Drawing on
the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards, or search the Web
for drawing instructions like
this one, and start
seeing things again!

Auditory tonal: Playing music, Singing

Music is by far the most abundant and the most beautiful source of
complex combinations of sounds. I found that learning to play your
favorite tunes by ear (without the music scores) is the most demanding
activity for listening to the actual tone and rhythm of a song. It
takes a while to learn, and as you practice it more and more, you
start noticing how the simple sounds are put together to create this
moving, sensational melody. If you do not play any instrument, then
singing is a good replacement for it.

Auditory digital (words): Professional writing, public speaking

Words are another important (and very different) dimension of
hearing, and I often separate auditory tonal and auditory digital
perceptions into two separate categories.

If you want to learn to notice the actual words people speak, the
most direct way, of course, is to listen to the words. You will be
amazed at what some people utter at times, without even realizing what
they have said it. This constantly keeps me amused in otherwise
boring conversations or during those hypnotizing lectures.

However, just like with playing music or drawing realistic objects,
you truly learn to notice the bare words when you use them yourself,
and others critic you. So, start writing, if you have not yet. Or go
make a public presentation next time you have a chance. This does not
have to be a professional activity, it could be just a simple Web
site, or your diary, or a Blog
like this one!

Write random thoughts about things, curious ideas of the moment you
have, then make a speech about the most interesting observations
during a party at your friend's house!

And please, please! Accept all the criticism. This is how you
learn to improve your skills. Friends may laugh at you for the first
ten or twenty times, but then, as you get better at it, they will
start laughing with you, and will be asking for more.

Kinesthetic: Martial Arts, Dancing

The art of moving your body, both in martial arts and in any kind
of dancing, teaches you the sense of balance, the control of your
motions. You will be able to feel your movements more accurately, and
tell whether you are moving the way you want it. Just like with any
other art, this takes a lot of practice, and you will be amazed at the
vastness of feelings and sensations you will discover!

As a form of physical activity, you will also learn to pay
attention to your body, to the condition of your muscles, joints,
tendons, and even internal organs. This by itself is a great skill to
have, and I will give you an important example of its usefulness in
the next section...

In addition, feeling your body will help you better control your
emotions. The reason is, the emotions are encoded in your body as
kinesthetic feelings (did you know that?), but our conscious mind
perceives them as abstract symbols. For instance, "I feel
nervous" surely is much more symbolic and imprecise than "I
feel tension in my chest, my face and upper body is flaring with heat,
and the muscles in my shoulders and hips are so tight that they are
trembling".

Once you learn to notice how your emotions actually feel, without
the perceptual filters, you will be able to change them at will. For
example, if your shoulder and hip muscles become tense when you are
nervous, then relaxing them, and adding a solid calm warmth to your
stomach may be all you need to change the nervousness into confidence.
Wouldn't that be nice?

Gustatory (taste) and Olfactory (smell): Cooking, Wine Tasting

These two sensory inputs are often the least developed, since human
beings do not usually rely on them too much in our daily life.
However, even for those "rare" sensory inputs there are
activities for their development. The most obvious, and probably the
best of all, is, of course, cooking.

You surely love your mom's cooking, don't you? Well, OK, not all
moms can cook well, but most do. I love when my mom cooks something
tasty for sure! :-) But can you recreate those wonderful dishes
yourself? Can you figure out by taste and smell what went into it?
Or, if that sounds too complicated, can you get the recipe and do it
yourself? Remember that cooking, even when you have a precise recipe,
requires a lot of sniffing, tasting, feeling the texture of the food,
seeing the color of the crust, and so on. Rarely you can just follow
the steps blindly and get the result.

Cooking, like any other form of art, takes time to learn, and takes
time to do. If you are looking for a quicker treat, luckily, there is
one -- wine tasting. I do not need to explain you this one,
do I? :-) Go to your grocery or wine store, pick a few bottles of
various wines (you can start with cheap ones, some of them are
actually quite good!), invite a bunch of friends, and carefully taste
a little bit from each bottle. (The reason for having many friends is
to make sure you do not drink too much of the same wine, or you get
quickly drunk, and the exercise will become pointless.)

Write down your observations for each type of wine. What does it
taste like? How does it smell? What does it remind you of?

Of course, know your limit, take long breaks between each sample,
evaluate your condition (you have already mastered your kinesthetic
feelings, right?), and proceed only if you can comfortably handle it.

Enjoy!